=)
Thursday, April 30, 2009 at 1:52 PM
今天是四月三十日。。是我离开他的第十九天。。我过得很好。。我已经习惯没有他的日子，我很喜欢我现在的生活。。i realise no matter how much i love some1 i still cant accept the hurt he had given me..maybe my determination to stay on isnt strong enough but i do really love him. the hurt he gave me is enough to make me give up on just 1 day. yes i do feel sad but sorry i feel so hurt to carry on this relationship.
i do hope that he can have a better life cause i m sure i cant be together with him again. i cant forget the hurt he gave me i cant overcome my fear for him. i only can treat him as friend now. i feel heartpain when i see him not because i still want to be with him but is because i am sorry that i have made his life upside down due to my leave..i feel guilty to b exact.
tan kok siong, i am sorry that i have hurt you but i dont wanna get hurt anymore.
i realise yesterday actually i m hurting more then 1 person. a ger..shall not disclose too much..those who is close to me will know..
- 琳 -
boring~
Wednesday, April 29, 2009 at 2:55 PM
was so boring i went to look up what is the difference between Perfume and toilette and here is what i had goggle~~What is the difference between Pure Perfume, Eau de Parfum, Eau de Toilette, and Eau de Cologne?
The differences are simply a matter of the amount or concentration of oils in the fragrance. The highest concentration is in pure perfume (or parfum). Next would be Eau de Parfum (EDP), then Eau de Toilette (EDT), and finally Eau de Cologne. Some manufacturers make a solid perfume, solid perfume is as strong as a pure perfume however it is in a gel-like consistency. Eau De Toilette and Eau De Cologne are generally interchangeable, especially in Men's fragrances.
After Shave has the least amount of oils. The higher the concentration the longer your fragrance will last, and the less you need to apply.
- 琳 -
叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留
Tuesday, April 28, 2009 at 4:06 PM
「叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留。」倘若你爱上一个人，
千万别装作无所谓毫不在乎...
错过了，就没有了....
爱情，玩不起心理战的.......
~~树~~
高中三年交过五个女朋友，有一个女孩子，我很爱她，却迟迟不敢追，她没有美丽的面孔，
没有姣好的身材，没有撩人的魅力，一个再平凡不过的女孩子。我喜欢她，真的真的很喜欢她，
喜欢她的单纯，她的直率，她的可爱，她的脆弱。
不追她的原因，也许是潜意识觉得平凡如她配不上我；也许是因为怕在一起后，一切好感都会消失；
也许是怕外人的指指点点伤害了她；也许是觉得，她会是我的，不急着为了她而放弃一切。
最后这个原因，让她陪了我三年，让她看着我和别的女孩子厮混了三年，让她心痛了三年。
她很想当一个好演员，但我却像一个严苛的导演。我和第二个女朋友在厕所接吻，被她撞见，
她尴尬的笑笑说：「Go on！」然后跑掉，第二天，她眼睛肿得像核桃一样，我故意不去猜想是谁让她哭成这样，
嘲笑了她一天，她在所有人都回家后，在教室哭了起来，她不知道练球回来拿东西的我，看了她一个多小时。
我的第四个女朋友，一直很不喜欢她，有次她们两个吵了起来，我知道依她的个性不会去惹事，
但我还是护着女朋友，她被我吼了一下后，愣住，眼泪滑了下来，我无视她的眼泪，陪女友走出教室，
第二天，她依旧嘻嘻哈哈的和我开玩笑，我知道她很难过，但她不会知道我的心不比她好受。
当我和第五个女朋友分手时，我约她出去玩，玩了一天，我对她说：「我有事要对妳说。」
她说：「真巧，我也有事要对你说。」「我和她分手了。」「我和他在一起了。」我知道「他」是谁，
他追她也有一阵子了，是个蛮可爱的男孩子，活泼有趣，充满了热情，追她追得满城风雨。
我不能表现自己的心痛，只能笑笑地恭喜她，但当我回到家，心中的痛楚强烈得令我无法承受，
像有个千斤重的石头压在我胸口，我无法呼吸，想大叫却叫不出来，眼泪竟然滑了下来，我掩面大哭，
多少次，我也看着她为了那个不愿承认的人掩面大哭。
毕业典礼时，我在手机上发现了一封简讯，这是十天前，我掩面大哭时传来的，只是我一直没有去开过机。
「叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留。」
~~叶子~~
高中时，喜欢搜集叶子，why？因为我觉得，一片叶子要离开它长期依赖的树好勇敢哩！
高中三年，我和一个男孩子很好，不算男女朋友那种好，是好朋友那种好，但是，在他交第一个女朋友时，
我学会了一种不该有的感觉，吃醋，心中的酸，不是一颗柠檬可以比喻，那就像是100颗臭酸的柠檬，酸到不行，
他们只在一起两个月，当他们分手，我还得掩饰自己心中强烈的喜悦，但是一个月后，他和另一个女孩子在一起。
我喜欢他，也知道他喜欢我，可是，他为什么总是不追我呢？明明喜欢彼此，为什么不行动？
每当他交一个女朋友，我就心痛一次，一次又一次的打击，让我不禁怀疑，是我一厢情愿吗？不爱我，
为什么要对我那么好？他对我的好，已经不是普通朋友可以做到。喜欢一个人，好难过，我可以清楚的知道他的喜好，
他的习惯，唯独他对我的感觉，我猜不透，难道要我这个女孩子去开口吗？
尽管如此，我还是想在他身边，关心他，陪他，爱他，也许算是一种等待的行为，等待他回来爱我，
就像每天晚上等他的电话，等他的简讯，我知道，就算他再忙，也会拨出一些时间给我。这样的等待，
陪了我三年，等待是难熬的，是令人想放弃的，但等到的那一剎那，让人第二天会继续等下去。这样的煎熬，
这样的痛苦，这样的幸福，这样的矛盾，陪了我三年。
直到三年级下学期，高二一个学弟喜欢上我，每天的热情追求，令我从一开始的拒绝，
渐渐愿意挪出我心房的一些位置给他。他像一阵温柔而持久的风，撩拨我这片摇摇欲坠的叶子，
到最后，我发现我已经不想只留一点点的位置给这阵风，我知道这阵风，会带我这片伤痕累累的叶子，到更幸福的地方。
于是我离开了树，树只是笑笑，没有挽留。
「叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留。」
~~风~~
因为我喜欢的女孩子叫叶子，因为她有一棵令她依恋的树，所以我要当一阵风，一阵呵护她的风。
第一次看见她，是高二我转来一个月后的事，个子小小的她坐在球场旁，一双眼凝视着同和我在球场的学长，
每天的社团时间，她总会坐在那里，一个人，和朋友，她的眼光依旧凝视着他，当他和女孩子打打闹闹，她的眼中有泪，
当他看向她，她的眼中有笑。看她成了我的习惯，就像她爱看他。
有一天她没来，我心中没来由的焦虑与不安，我无法解释那种感觉，除了不安，还是不安，而且那学长竟然也不在。
我冲去他们教室，躲在外面，看着学长骂她，她的眼泪，他的离去。
第二天，她依旧坐在场边，看着他，我走过去，对她笑一笑，拿了张纸条给她，她先是惊讶的看着我，然后笑笑地收下。
隔天，她拿着纸条出现在我面前，然后离开。
「叶子的心太沉重，风吹不动。」
不是叶子的心太沉重，是叶子根本就不想离开树。」
我回给她这段话后，她渐渐会和我说话，收我的礼物，接我的电话。我知道她喜欢的不是我但我还是有毅力一定要让她喜欢上我，四个月内我告白了不下20次，每一次她都转移话题，但我还是不会放弃，
我决定要的人，我就一定会给它追过来！
一直到不知道第几次的告白，出了口，虽然知道她一定会又说到别的事，但还是有一丝丝希望她的答应，
没想到她都不说话，「妳在干嘛？怎么不说话？」我对着话筒说。「我在点头。」「啊？」我不敢相信自己的耳朵。
「我在点头！」她大声叫。
我甩掉电话，匆匆披上一件衣服，上了机车，冲去她们家按门铃，当她开门的那一剎那，紧紧抱住她。
「叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留。」
- 琳 -
slacking @ home~
Monday, April 27, 2009 at 4:39 PM
this week is the last week of my class liao..no more nite class~~ as i had enrol my revision class in the noon..nite time will b chilling session for mi~~~~2 more classes to go Tue & Thurs..and then doom day is coming real soon..haha exam on e 1st wed and fri of june..i must really start mocking liao~
F2 revision class commerce on
6 may o9 2pm - 5.45pm
13 may o9 2pm - 5.45pm
20 may o9 2pm - 5.45pm
27 may o9 2pm - 5.45pm
F3 revision class commerce on
5 may o9 2pm - 5.45pm
12 may o9 2pm - 5.45pm
19 may o9 2pm - 5.45pm
26 may o9 2pm - 5.45pm
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feel like goin genting after exam but not sure yet..and i have to start sourcing for full time job le..decided to work full time and slowly do my studies part time..i wan money!! lolx...
- 琳 -
lololo
i love this cap but it dont belong to mi~ haha any kind soul wanna buy for mi? LOL
FROM ARMANI EXCHANGE DE!! =x
today had an advance mothers' day celebration @ amk Mellben Seafood, cant rmb what block liao la..hahahahahahahahaha..hmmm..i didnt really eat much la..cox i dun have good appetite this few weeks..
waiting for fathers' day celebration dont know where we are goin to eat this time round..
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days without him i feel so relief and happy..feeling contented..
but i dont know how to tel him i dont wanna patch anymore because i dont wanna suffer again..so what if he say he can change..he had been telling me this so often till my heart die..and i met him last thurs..i totally feel no changes..he is still expecting mi to do everything for him..
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i am craving for sushi~~~~~~
- 琳 -
Friday, April 24, 2009 at 3:25 PM
oh man i had been chilling out everyday lo..wahahahaha..but mom nv really nag so it is fine la..so sian ar..no wrk but i m trying to studying la..exam coming i wanna pass!!
and i wan to go genting..any1 wanna go with mi
- 琳 -
=D
Wednesday, April 22, 2009 at 3:40 PM
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...i pack half way and is too lazy to pack..shall continue tml..
- 琳 -
LIPING WAS SO SURPRISE THAT I WAKE UP EARLY!!!
i think soon i will look like 30ish..because everyday slp late but wake up early..i dont wanna do tt but it is just automatic de lo..so sian..
haha ytd went O bar again with e usual drinker..
today will be my room packing day!!! hahaha my room look like it just got an earthquake sia...
- 琳 -
=)
Sunday, April 19, 2009 at 5:58 AM
i miss my lappy + hp..saded..duno when den i can c them sia..
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jux got back frm prawning..wahahahaha i tik mom will kill mi la..tis few days keep coming back EARLY..early in e mrng de EARLY.. no pic wahahahaha..
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tdy i m damn hurt by him yes again..i wonder how long more he wanna hurt mi sia..damn idiot..at 1st i tot of giving him a chance after sometime but he bug mi for ans n chance daily..soon it irritate mi..den he now tryin to sound ke lian and sort of blaming mi for not givin him a chance to change..i told him i giv him lots of time liao cox if i nv giv him chance i wont even go back to him when we alwy quarrel till break..for the past 5yrs whenever we quarrel and den he say break i m heart broken..i cry n beg him to take mi back..n he tik is him who is givin mi a chance to go back but haix..if i dun1 to giv him chance i shall jux walk out of his life wat y still cry n beg him to take mi back..damn fucking sian..i told him tt..y he wan to hurt mi again n again..
- 琳 -
Saturday, April 18, 2009 at 5:06 AM
=)jux back from chilling out with Tim and company~..had fun~~
-----
he came over to find mi this evening he cry and ask for forgiveness..mayb i dun love him anymore? cox i dun feel a thing when i c him cry..or is it bcox i myself had been hurt too deep and had no longer feel sympathy toward him?
giv me sometimes to have fun and think about it ba..for time being i m very contented with my life..
BUT of cox i still hate my job cox the ppl there r inhuman..i was coughing badly when bitch M was teaching mi sometime when i sudden feel choke and cant breathe SHE STARE at mi and say can u dun b rude pay attention to mi when i talk..POWER LA..den at another pt of time when i suddenly feel "coughy" i jux start coughing endlessly she say CAN U USE A TISSUE TO COVER UR MOUTH DUN SPREAD THE GERMS TO OTHERS..
oh my tian..do u knw i m using my hand to cover my mouth when i cough!!!!
- 琳 -
biggest shock of my life..
Monday, April 13, 2009 at 9:16 PM
i had a huge shock today..sio keep wanting to patch but i really scare liao..
and i tel him my fear bcox of wat happen..
e past tt he use to start a quarrel den break den i will b crying like hell and asking him to take mi back..i told him i had been fear by all this..he told mi tis is a way to MAINTAIN the r/s..
it left mi n few frens speechless..
he even told mi tt he regretted once 8yrs+ ago cox he giv up on mi n i accept another guy..so he dun wanna regret again..but it was like OH SO DUMB..i did went back to u 5yrs ago but u nv treasure mi n yet u say u dun1 to regret and want to cherish mi..but all these 5yrs he had been doing nth but only hurting mi.. =`(
i have been sobbing secretly when every1 fall aslp..i alwy slp less den 6hr a day or even worst..on sat it was onli 2hr..ytd 4hr..i wonder can i slp tdy? i took an hour on nap tdy but is cry till slp..i tik my pillow gonna turn into water pillow soon..
- 琳 -
i dedicated tis song to Penguin b4 but now i m goin to dedicate tis song back to myself:
你没想像中爱我 《一切完美》主题曲
词：石欣卉
曲：So Million
你小心翼翼 牵我手
其实是担忧 藏不住我
自尊也投降 活在她之下
我 好傻
你字字句句说 你不爱她
那又是什么 让你害怕
我疑惑但是原谅 因为你留下
我 好傻
不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来 你没想像中那么爱我
我不懂该拿什么安慰我的难受
你的存在 让我更寂寞
你寸步不离 像天使的她
挥霍我的爱 从不放心上
我有一丝无奈 也有一些明白
该 放开
不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来 你没想像中那么爱我
我不能再从你的怀抱感觉到什么
不爱我别再说 假装爱那是撒盐在伤口
啊... 谁说我不在意空等候
原来 你从来都没深刻爱我
我才懂不是我不心痛
其实是心没了感受
呜... ...
你没想像中爱我
----------------------------------------
突然间。。我发现我就好像歌词里的男主角。。
原来我没想像中那么爱他。。
不知道是已经不再爱了吗？还是爱到累了呢？我真的好像放手。。
----------------------------------------
i am so tired
- 琳 -
Thursday, April 9, 2009 at 1:21 AM
爱情好像在喝茶~有些人是茶包。。泡的越久就变得淡而无味。。
有些人是茶叶。。泡的越久就变得浓而好喝。。
你的爱情是茶叶还是茶包呢?
------------------
o8-o4-2oo9
after my OT suddenly i have e urge to go east coast..board a cab and head there..found myself a place to sit, at first it was about to drizzle but i still stay on anyway..
the breeze and wave made me feel warmth~ i use to frequent there 5-6yrs ago..i grow up by the sea..i fall in love with the sea side when i was just a toodler..i love "riding" on my dog, running along the water, splashing water on the dog or whoever is there to take care of mi..
when i grow up i still love the sea and i still love going to the seaside..i love the breeze there i love hearing the splashing notes of the wave i love walking along beach with water splashing on my feet..
but it had been so many years tt i really had gone there to enjoy..SIO dont like the sea dont like the sun..
i miss the days when i frequent to east coast for the breeze or wave..i really do..
ytd some1 told me that i shld really re-condsider my r/s with him..actually i knw this problem long time ago but i really dont know what is holding me back..i really dont know so ppl pls dun ask mi..
i told liping she is the tea leave and lucy is the tea bag..liping reply was funny but i knw how she feel..
*haha can i jux be the HOT water?*
just now i think of my er jiu i ask y god is so unfair to him? His eldest son, my cousin was about to turn 21 tis yr only..he hasnt even see my 3 cousin to get marry..
only bad ppl can live long but good ppl alwy die young..
*nxt time i sure die very late cox i m a evil LinG =x*
anyway Tim the 猪went to east coast to find mi.. -.-" 都说是猪了..can go home rest dont want to go home rest..tsk tsk tsk tsk.........
actually ytd i went east coast once le but the mood is diff tis time round..nt sad nt dwn nt mood-less nt moody nt really is stress..
but is calm..i go there with an empty mind to fill the image on the sea and to collect some "music" created by mother nature..that is what i want~
i want lots of seaside visiting!!!!!!!!!!
haha 1stly i tik i have to go take my advance theory AGAIN and then PUSH myself to learn class 3 haha but firstly i need to have a job first..i wanna buy car~~~ so i can go east coast as n when i like..
HAHAHAHAHAHA I WANT A MANUAL CAR I DONT WANT AUTO CAR!!!!
okok firstly i have to pass ADVANCE THEORY
-.-""""
-.-""""
-.-""""
-.-""""
i miss tis place~~~~~
Tim the 猪de car.. 猪ownself take de lo using my hp -.-""
haha actually he was trying out innov8 camera..
*okie la i just being bo liao~~~
i want tis car IN MY DREAM TO BE FRANK:
- http://www.sgcarmart.com/new_cars/newcars_photos.php?CarCode=10464
*i want it in BLACK
hahahahahahaha i wanted a BMW but tt will be when i die ppl burn for mi den will have lo....
-----------------
I am actually MISSING Jimmy Ong but not because i like him la..just miss calling him to cry n weep in e middle of the nite when i m dwn..hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha..
- 琳 -
=(
Monday, April 6, 2009 at 1:16 AM
o3-o4-2oo9tdy had OT till 8.30pm then met up with timothy after work then went over to jln kayu for dinner..
didnt meet SIO as he will need to wrk on Sat & Sun as they r having stock take..
actually days w/o him i m much happier..everybody wan to knw y stupid mi still dun wanna giv up? bcox i dun1 to feel regretted like few years ago..or i shld say wo bu gan xin to let go..called mi stupid called mi idiot called mi retard called mi fuck up..
but who knw..mayb 1 fine day i will wake up my bloody idea and just leave him for good or mayb i will leave this place for good..no one know the future..
o4-o4-o9
heard frm my mom my er jiu was hospitalized and is quite serious..i m praying hard tt he will recovered~ my grandma is so sad..well of cox...cox she had lost her eldest son few years back and now my 2nd uncle is sick..i hope everything will be fine..
o5-o4-o9
tdy miss liping told mi things abt her n mrL..
making mi totally lost hope n confident for guys..but no i will nt say break cox i dun1 to feel regretted like i say and i rather wait for him to break off with mi..
什么是爱？我想我是不会懂也不想懂。。因为我已经好累好累了。。
- 琳 -
